Interfaith Marriage Network
   
Rosalind Birtwistle and Heather al-Yousuf are two Christians in Interfaith marriages, part of the small team of volunteers who run the Interfaith Marriage Network. Here is an insight into their own experiences.
"When we got married (thirty years ago in the case of Rosalind and David) we felt like we were the only people in the world doing this". Although the numbers of people entering interfaith marriages grows it can still feel very lonely for them as they work out issues of identity, belief and belonging which can be difficult for family and friends on either side to understand or relate to. Families may also struggle with their own feelings of hurt, rejection or concern.
“A Positive Attitude to Difference”
Rosalind and Heather say that they got involved because there didn’t seem to be much help available that recognises what it is like to try to live with two faiths and two communities in one family.
The assumption is often that if people of different faiths get married, it’s because religion doesn’t matter to one or both of them. But they have found, from running this website and working with couples, that this is often far from true. If anything, faith can become more important, even for people who weren’t practicing to begin with – because it’s about who you are.
“Religion Matters”
It matters too when you are living in new cultural and social situations – faiths have always had a lot to say about how to live well and meaningfully in the midst of contradictions and I think that resonates with a lot of people in interfaith marriages - But it is not straightforward!
It’s also true that a lot of people in interfaith families struggle with the fact that religion can be divisive. “Not doing religion” or even changing your religion to your partner’s may seem to be a way of coping with – or avoiding division in the family, but when people are suppressing things that matter to them, it does tend to surface in the marriage later on.
“Making Help Available”
Interfaith marriages are not doomed to failure but the more differences a couple have, the more they need to think about. Rosalind and Heather take the view that it’s not so much about them agreeing every detail of their life together in advance, as about both accepting and having a positive attitude towards their partner’s difference as a basis for the relationship and a fact of their life together. Compromising and being tolerant about matters of faith and identity is not easy, and interfaith marriage isn’t right for everyone; but neither is it going to go away.
In multicultural, multifaith Britain it needs taking seriously and providing for with appropriate support, relationship education and counselling if the sad consequences of interfaith marriages breaking down are to be avoided.
The Interfaith Marriage Network has just produced a resource pack for people in interfaith relationships and their families and those that work with them.
The resource pack is recommended if:
- You are in a relationship with someone of a different faith
- You want to know whether it can work
- You are looking for information and support
To receive a copy please send £1 p&p (in stamps or a coin) to;
Rosalind Birtwistle
53 Devon Road
Bedford MK40 3DF
| 